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WE CAN BE REBELS Posts

FACE YOUR INNER VOICES!

What would you like to be or do … and didn’t dare to face it so far?
Where do you want to be more courageous?
What is your challenge?

Maybe you want to quit your job and change directions.
Finally follow your heart. Start your own business. Be an Artist or Coach.

Maybe you want to speak in front of many people about something that is really important to you.
Express your opinion. Say no. Draw boundaries.

Maybe you want to think big and have more impact than currently.
Expand your business. Be a Pioneer. Write a book.
Definitely … make a difference.

Maybe you want to be 100% authentic and visible.
Take off masks. Be a leader with edges. And feel good about it.

But …
… every time you think about the thing you want, you get stressed.
Nervous. Tense.
You quickly think about something else.
You avoid situations, people, comments that remind you of it.
You carry on as always.
You change nothing.
You postpone your dream.

That’s normal!
Why is that?

Any major change we want to address triggers some kind of inner conversation in our mind. We hear our thoughts as voices:

“You have a vision. Dare to go for it! “(The Courageous Voice)

“How do you want to survive financially?” (The Alarmist)

“What if you fail? You are putting your image at risk! “(The Image Keeper)

“You are so creative! So far, you’ve always had a backup plan! “(The Creative One)

“Just try it out!” (The Spontaneous One)

“In the past, you’ve always achieved what you wanted. You will manage that, too! “(The Wise One)

“You are not good enough!” (The Judge)

Some voices are supportive, help us. The courageous, wise or creative part in us, for example. Other voices limit us, hold us back. Our fears, inner critics, beliefs.

All of these voices together are your “INSIDE TEAM” – the collection of your thoughts, feelings and personality aspects that show up when you think about the change you want to make. (cf. Cynthia Darst, Meet Your Inside Team) Each voice tells you it’s point of view on the topic. Whether you want to hear it or not.

When the voices are in harmony, you often don’t even notice them.
When they are not “in sync”, when they wrestle with each other, you perceive them as inner disturbance. Or even as an internal conflict.

And then?
You avoid what triggers the conversation.
You stick to what you know.
You change nothing.
You give up new ideas because they don’t feel safe.
You are not courageous.
You are not facing your challenge.

It doesn’t have to be like that!
You can get to know your INSIDE TEAM!
You can get conscious of the voices that are at work!
You can identify those aspects of your personality that support you and the ones that limit you!
And as soon as you are awaree of what is happening, you can change it.
You decide which voice you want to listen to.
You choose how you want to play the game.

How?

Come to the REBEL COACH CAMP and, with my help and the support of your peer group, you will identify your INSIDE TEAM that shows up whenever you think about the change you want to make.
You will learn how your INSIDE TEAM operates and how you can influence the dynamics.
So that you will master your challenge.
So that you will write your book. Start your business. Be brave and change your job.
Or whatever else you want to make happen.

Or try it yourself!
Identify your INSIDE TEAM in the following 5 steps (see Cynthia Darst, Meet Your Inside Team):

1. Become aware of your inner conversation!

First of all, it’s important that you become aware of the inner conversation that is going on when you think of your challenge. It is best to do this exercise with a partner!

  • Tell your partner everything about your challenge that comes to mind … for a few minutes
  • While listening, your partner should pay attention to the different voices and perspectives she is hearing on the topic.
  • Next, your partner will give you feedback on the voices she heard.
  • Take notes about what you are learning!

2. Identify your voices!

  • Make a collage with all the voices you are hearing!
  • Use a postit for every voice and add what the voice is telling you (e.g. “Dare to do this!”) and the quality it brings (e.g. “courage”)

3. Identify the loudest voice!

  • Identify the loudest or most dominant voice!
  • Turn her into a stage character:
    • What is the voice saying?
    • What does she look like?
    • What are her qualitites?
    • What impact does she have on you?
    • What does she want for you?

4. Get to know the team dynamics!

  • Play back the conversation. Let the voices (postits) come on stage, one after the other, like in a play.
  • Observe the dynamics. Just like a stage director studies his play.
  • Ask yourself:
    • How is the game played?
    • Who comes onto the “stage” first? Who else?
    • Who is allied? Who cannot be heard at all?
    • Who “wins” the game?

5. Add “I”!

What you’ve identified so far are “ONLY” voices, only aspects of you.
What is still missing is the “I”.
YOU as the “I” are much more than those individual voices.
You are the one who recognizes the voices and decides which one to listen to!
You are the one who can change agreements and team dynamics.

So …

  • Write “I” on a postit and add it to your INSIDE TEAM!
  • Reflect:
    • What do you notice?
    • What are you learning?

You now know YOUR INSIDE TEAM.
You now know how the game is played.
Cool stuff, right?
What’s different now? What’s new?
What is possible for you now that you know your INSIDE TEAM?

And …
Do you want to play the game like that?
Or do you want to play it differently?
You can change it!
You can strengthen those voices that support you.
You can adjust the dynamics.

How about if you come to REBEL COACH CAMP and learn how to play the game by your rules!

Register and set the course for YOUR BOLD CHANGE.

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LIVE OUT LOUD!

Where have all the Ravers gone?
The Punks, the Skaters, the Metalheadz?
Green hair, shaved heads, dreadlocks twirled in.
Anarchy signs around their necks,
Doc Martins on their feet.
Just back from tagging the love of their life onto walls.

Where have all the Rebels gone?
The BasquiatsKurt CobainsThom Yorkes?
The artists, the idealists, the originals?
Where have all the big emotions gone?
World Pain? World Rage? World Ecstasy?
Where the anthems, breakbeats, bass lines?

All Flat. Alle one. Same Same.
Conform. Norm. Worn.
No cracks, no scratches.
No edges, no flaws.
Cancel Culture instead of taking a stand.
Life with no pulse instead of life at the limit.

Really?
Stay under the radar?
Live low-key?
Hang on to straight beats?
Tag along?
Be good?

What if …

You live out loud?
Dare to stand out?
Allow breakbeats?
Invite boldness?
Bring out the Rebel in you?

Think different.
Leave your mark.
Conquer your environment like a street artist.
Beautify, challenge or revive it.
Participate rather than visit.
Plant your DNA.
Spread your Soul.
Bring in your heartbeat.
Become one with your world.
Until you feel it up to the core.

Do you have the courage …

To live out loud?
To take a stand?
To allow more heartbeat?

And what does that mean for you?

Maybe the following tips help you to live out loud more!

Show your edges!

  • What are your edges? Your stains? What makes you YOU?
  • What kind of music makes your heart beat faster? Which beat drives you forward?
  • Which piece of clothing reflects your attitude towards life? What label expresses what you stand for?
  • What Rebel inspires you? What attracts you about her?

What edges are you already living? What is missing? What are you longing for?

Shout it out! LOUD!

Make a Challenge List

  • Write down all the things that you’ve always wanted to do or be and that you have not yet dared to. Or capture the edges you want to live louder.
  • What are the top 3 Challenges you want face to live out loud? For more heartbeat in your life?

Come to REBEL COACH CAMP and face your biggest Challenge!

  • Face your biggest Challenge together with other Rebels!
  • Gain CLARITY on your challenge & develop a FUTRUE VISION what you long for instead
  • Get to know your INSIDE TEAM: learn what inner voices and limiting beliefs hold you back and what aspects of your personality support you to move forward
  • Make your 1. STEP towards a big change in front of your peer group
  • Register now for the next REBEL COACH CAMP!

Boost your Courage with a hymn!

  • Find a song that gives you courage when you listen to it. One that raises your spirits and fuels your heart. One like the walk-on songs of the boxers. Or even set up a whole REBEL Playlist.
  • Here is my REBEL PLAYLIST, which I was listening to in 2017, when I designed the REBEL COACH CAMP 
  • Listen to it whenever you need courage to face your challenge! Let the beat drive you to the camp.

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HOW TO BE A BRAVE LEADER

What is it to be a brave leader?
A leader with courage?
What does it involve? What qualities? What behaviors?

For me, a leader with courage has many facets!
A leader with courage models the following 8 aspects of leadership.

Follow your heart!
Do what is important to you, even against the tide.
Be idealistic, have a vision, live your passion.
Bring into the world what is important to you.
Go forward and take others with you. Shape the future.

Feel fear … and do it anyway!
Face your fears, act despite your fear.
Speak in public even though you are afraid of it.
Fly long distances despite your fear of flying.
Show up fully even though you are afraid of rejection.

Persist in the face of adversity!
Don’t run away when things get difficult. Stay!
Don’t avoid conflicts.
Give unpleasant feedback.
Don’t give up right away when you face setbacks. Keep trying, even if you fail.

Do the right thing!
Speak up, say what you think. Even at the risk of making yourself unpopular.
Address injustice.
Defend your values.
Support those who need your voice.

Let go of the familiar!
Go to the unknown without backup and not knowing what will happen.
Make bold decisions, think big, take risks, break new ground.
Give up control.

Make the best of all situations!
Accept strokes of faith, your own failures, inner and outer obstacles or uncertainty.
Say “Yes … and” and make the best of it. (see Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and do it anyway)
Reframe and see things from a new persepective, handle it creatively.

Be vulnerable!
Admit mistakes or fail in front of others.
Show blind spots, be imperfect.
Say that you don’t know.
Show your emotions.

Be authentic
Be 100% yourself. Always.
Do your thing, live your values ​​and your “why”.
Bring in your strengths. And your quirks.
Do what you say. Ask for what you need.
Be of integrity.

To be a brave leader is definitely a challenge!
And one worthwhile, what do you think?

What leader are you?
What is your challenge?
Where would you like to have more courage?

#WeCanBeRebels!
I can help you be a courageous leader and Coach!

Just give me a shout!
Or learn how to be a Leader & Coach in my Coaching Skills Online Training!

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DARE TO DECIDE!

How are you with decisions? Do you put them off as long as possible? Until others decide or the situation clears itself up? Or do you decide impulsively to get it over and done with and be “in control” again? Do you analyze the pros and cons in detail and spend days thinking about what’s best? Or do you decide on a gut level?

Making decisions is often not easy.

Even supposedly easy decisions can wear us out: “Do I go to work by bike or car today?”, “Do I add this sentence in the email or not?”, “Do I start with task A or B?” or “Where do we go on holidays?”

For more difficult decisions such as “Should I quit my job?” “Do I take job A or B?”, “Do I buy a house in the country or stay in the city?”, “Which coaching training will I start?”, “What will I include in my living will? ”or“ How do I best invest my money? ” we stumble.

Why is it so difficult to make decisions?

We are afraid to make the wrong decision.
We fear to lose something: our partner, friends, status, money, job satisfaction or whatever we were hoping to get from the “right” decision.
And we worry to be worse off than before. Or to make a mistake, to fail.
And then to be the one who’s fault it was.

Many of us have learned to make decisions based on the “win-lose-model”.
In the “win-lose-model” there is one right and one wrong decision.
Either A or B is correct.
As a result we rack our brains to find the correct one.
We desperately want to get it right and try hard not to choose the wrong one.
Pure stress oftentimes! Of course, the decision is given much more weight than it deserves.
That’s a point where we like to postpone the decision and not make it at all.

And after the decision?
We think “Was that the right choice?” And the headache starts again. The “win-lose-model” makes us unhappy and weak. (cf. Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and do it anyway).

Which mindset supports us to make decisions?

Making decisions according to the “win-win-model”
In this model there are also two options A and B.
Here, both options are correct.
Every path, A and B, has advantages and consequences.
Each one offers new experiences and opportunities to grow.
No matter what I choose – I can only win! Regardless of the outcome.

For instance, I want to to decide what to do next in my career.
I can either become a manager in another company (option A).
Or I can start my own business as a Coach (option B).
Both ways are exciting. Both ways are “right”.
I choose B.
If, in a year or two, it turns out that being self-employed isn’t for me, that’s ok. I then know much more what I want and what I don’t want. And I have experienced and learned new skills that I would not have encountered by choosing option A.
Maybe I will choose A next or maybe I will go for completely different option.
No matter what I do, I can only win 🙂

Tipp 1: Take on the “I can only win” mindset! Tell yourself “I can only win” – no matter how I decide and how it turns out.

What else helps you make a decision?

In their book “Decisive”, the Heath brothers recommend this (WRAP) process:

W – Widen Your Options
R – Reality Test Your Assumptions
A – Attain Distance
P – Prepare to be Wrong

Tip 2: Widen your options!
We often only see “either – or” when making decisions: “Will I do it or not?”, “Will I choose A or B? “. As a result, we choose between a very limited range and do not consider many options that are available – the so-called “narrow framing bias” occurs. (cf. Chip & Dan Heath, Decisive; framing effect in https://lexikon.stangl.eu/)

How can you widen your options?

  • Ask yourself: What other options are there? Brainstorm other possibilities!
  • Exchange ideas with people who have already made the decision and ask them about their experiences and learnings!
  • “And” instead of “Or”: See if you can combine options (e.g. reduce hours in your job & be part-time self-employed!)


Tip 3: Challenge your assumptions!

We are all influenced by “Confirmation Bias”: We search, interpret and choose options that confirm our attitude to life, our values ​​or beliefs. (cf. Chip & Dan Heath, Decisive; Confirmation Bias in https://lexikon.stangl.eu/)

How can you counteract this?

  • Get yourself a “Challenger”: Let this person ask provocative questions and help you uncover what you don’t see!
  • Reality-Test your assumptions: shadow someone for a day who does what you want to do or work in the position you want to work in for a day or two to see how it feels like.

At this point, you have many options and you have challenged them.
Now it’s time to decide 😉 But before you do that:

Tip 4: Attain distance!

To avoid making decisions based on short-term emotions – i.e. to stop having to cope with ambiguity (the loss of control if you will), attain distance or change your perspective!

How does that work?

  • Use the 10/10/10 principle: Ask yourself how you feel about the decision in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years?
    > What we find unpleasant in 10 minutes (e.g. asking for help), we will probably have forgotten in 10 years 😉 And what is very important to us looking back from 2030 is worth being brave for in 10 minutes! (see Chip & Dan Heath, Decisive)
  • Take the perspective of a Consultant: What would I advise my best friend here?

Changing perspectives I also what I do in Coaching a lot! Try it & do a 1-on-1 Coaching Session with me! Especially, if there is a topic where you are stuck or a new attitude would be helpful.

Tip 5: Prepare to be wrong!

It might turn out that your decision feels different than you had expected or that it comes with unhoped-for consequences. We are often too confident (“overconfident”) to asses the future correctly. So be prepared to be wrong. Things may turn out differently than you think! (cf. Chip & Dan Heath, Decisive)

How?

  • Think about obstacles that can occur! And make a plan how you want to deal with them. Research shows that by doing this you are not only more likely to overcome these hurdles when they occur. You are also making a much more informed decision. You know a lot more about what you are getting yourself into. And, you may even realize that you don’t want it enough to make the investment it takes. In that case, you have the chance to “optout” here. (cf. Jonathan Fields, Success Scaffolding)
  • See it as an Experiment: Allow yourself 3 months to experience your decision and then do a check-in with yourself: How am I? Do I want this? What else do i need?

Tip 6: Be clear about your priorities in life!

If you know your priorities in life, if you are clear on what’s important to you and what gives your life meaning, you can use it as a compass for making decisions:
Does the decision bring me closer to my vision?
Do I live my “Purpose” more by choosing this? Do I make the difference that I want to make?
Do I live my values ​​more?

How do you get there?

  • Values: Get clear on your top 5 values! What do you need in your life like fish need water? Connection? Independence? Security?


Tip 7: Trust your gut feeling!

How often do we make “rational” or “heady” decisions even though our intuition or gut feeling tells us this is wrong? If you notice something feels strange, take it seriously and maybe think twice.

Tip 8: Stay calm!

Don’t take yourself and your decision sooooo seriously.
Most decisions are not as important as you think.
If it doesn’t turn out as you hoped, you’ll learn something.
And you can always change it. (cf. Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and do it anyway).

And when you have finally made your decision …

Tip 9: “Good enough for now”

Don’t doubt your decision straight away – “Good enough for now” could be an attitude that helps you to be happy with your decision.

Tip 10: Hang on!

Don’t give up right away – be comitted and don’t give up when you face your first setback. Setbacks are normal. Think about why the decision was important to you & keep it up!

Tip 11: Alter your course, if necessary!

If, after a while you realize that the decision was wrong, change it!
You always have a choice!
You show courage when you admit that what you chose is not what makes you happy!

How does all of that sound to you?
Give it a try!

We don’t regret what we’ve decided and tried, but what we haven’t decided and done.

What decision are you currently facing?
What decision is due for you?

Dare to face it!
Dare to decide!
If not now … when?

Literature


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COURAGE IS … TO SAY “NO”

How difficult is it for you to say “No”? In which situations is it particularly difficult for you?

When a friend wants a favor?
When you are asked to take on new tasks at work even though you are already working overtime?
When someone offers you an exciting project but you really want to spend more time with your family?
Or if everyone on your team says “Yes” to an idea, then to say “No”?

For me it’s particularly difficult to say “No” when it comes to my inner circle.
To say “No” to go to an onsite family celebration as long as contact restrictions are recommended due to Covid.
To say “No” to a good friend to join him at the Oktoberfest.
To tell my sister that I don’t want to speak to her psychologist again.

What makes is it so difficult for us to say “No” oftentimes?

We don’t want to disappoint other people’s expectations. Especially, when what we say “No” to is very important to the other person.
We are scared of being rejected and of looking stupid.
We are afraid what others might think.
We fear to get others in trouble.
We fear to spoil the good vibes in the group.
A lot of inner critics who show up here!

And if we do manage to say “No” in a difficult situation, we feel guilty and doubts like “Shouldn’t I have said “Yes”?” show up. Then, we are stuck in this thought loop and feel bad about it for a long time.

Many times we therefore don’t say “No” and pay the price!
“Opportunity costs” if you will.
When we say “Yes” to things that we actually want to say “No” to, we don’t have the time and energy to do the things we really want to do.
We also pay the price of our integrity.
We don’t do what is important to us but what is important to others. We do not live our own values but the values of others. We may even “betray” our values. This has in impact on our self-confidence. We are disappointed with ourselves or angry.

It doesn’t have to be that way!

We can learn to say “No”.
We can free ourselves from what others might think.
We can overcome our fears and worries.
We can leave behind our bad conscience.

How?
What can help you say “No”? And be free?

Maybe these 5 tips will grow your courage to say “No”.

Tip 1: Catch the Chatter!

Become aware of your thoughts!
Especially when it comes to topics and situations in which it is difficult for you to say “No” or to draw boundaries. (cf. Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, 20 Body & Mind Tools to overcome Anxiety)

How does it work?

  • Pause, ask yourself “What am I thinking?”
  • Write down all thoughts and voices that show up.
  • Identify: Who supports or limits me, which parts show up?
  • Introduce a structure that reminds you to pause again and again (set an alarm clock or place a post-it on your computer!)
  • Do this regularly, e.g. 1 x day for several weeks

Tip 2: Seperate yourself from your thoughts

The voices and thoughts that show up when you want to say “No” are only parts of you – like several “sticky notes”. You as “I” decide which thoughts you want to listen to.

How?

  • Separate the “I” from your thoughts & feelings
    > Say “a part of me is afraid” instead of “I am afraid” or “a part of me doesn’t want to disappoint others” instead of “I disappoint others”.
  • Decide who you want to listen to!
    > Imagine that you are the CEO of a company and you enter a conference room. All your thoughts are like employees at the conference table. They all have their expertise and inform you about their opinion. You listen to everyone and then decide who you want to listen to. Because: You have the choice! You can also listen to the brave voice in you!

Tip 3: Team up with your Inner Superpowers!

You have many supportive inner resources and strengths that can help you say “No”, such as the courageous or the wise part in you (your future self) or strengths such as the determined, the problem solver, the observer.

They are your Superpowers and you can consciously “tap” into them and use them any time. (cf. Cynthia Loy Darst, Meet Your Inside Team)

4 Steps:

  • Collect: What are the inner resources that best support you in saying “No”!
  • Characterize them like movie characters and have them be your support crew! (Eagle – the Observer, Buddha – the Centered, Yoda – the Wise)
  • Make them as alive and vivid as possible!
  • Practice getting in touch with your team members!

If you want to go deeper here, take part in my Online Workshop “Inner Strength & Courage”. Here we do exactly that: we activate and characterise your Inner Superpowers.

Tipp 4: Say „No“ positively

Saying “No” positively means saying „No“ in a clear and definite way while maintaining a positive connection. (cf. William Ury, The Power of a Positive No)

This is how it works in 3 steps:

  • Receive: Receive the request so that your counterpart realizes that you take her seriously and acknowledge its importance!
  • Say “No”: Say “No” clearly and explain why and what is important to you about it
  • Open: Offer something constructive, a way forward for the request

For example, if a friend from your network asks you to support him with a project, you could say “No” in a positive way like this:

I am very happy that you ask me to be part of the project and appreciate your trust in me.
I am very busy with my projects and I want to spend the free time I have with my family.
Therefore I will not support you in your project.
Since I find your project really inspiring, I would be happy to pass your request on to a colleague who might be a good fit.

Tip 5: Confirm your courage with a mantra!

A confirmation mantra is a mantra that you say to yourself after you have bravely drawn boundaries.  A mantra could be

When I say “No” I stay true to myself!

Saying “No” makes me confident!

It helps you to feel less “selfish” and motivates you to keep saying „No“ more often. (cf. tinybuddha.com, How to set boundaries: 9 Tips for People-Pleasers)

How does it work?

  • Come up with a mantra and write it down!
  • Visualize it & have it in sight (e.g. as a screen saver on your phone)!
  • Say it to yourself every time you say “No” or draw boundaries!

What else?
Try out different strategies to say “No” and find out what works best for you.
Practice them on a regular basis so that they work even in difficult situations! And don’t be upset, if you fail sometimes. It’s normal!

If you want to learn more about the tips in this article, have a look at my WEBINAR on “Say No – without fear”.

Just imagine … if from now on you would always say “No” when you mean “No”?
And “Yes” to what is important to you?
Then, what is possible?

To find out more about this version of your future, be there at my Vision (Board) Online Workshop and prototype it.

Literature

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